Insufferable Nooksniffer
by musicalBlink
Summary: I am bitchy and felt like complaining about teachers with a lot of cussing. Therefore, I wrote a short story from Karkat's point of view to ease such urges to scream profanities at the sky. Some one-sided black Karkat X John and unofficial Karkat X Kanaya moiraleigance.


**So, I am in a shit mood and feel like screaming over something really stupid, but that isn't exactly socially exceptable. But I'm still pissed. So, I'm gunna use kitkat as an excuse to get all worked up over shit that shouldn't even fucking matter.**

**If you don't feel like listening to my pissy bitchiness, then I suggest moving on to the next fanfiction.**

**I don't own Homestuck, so yeah. **

After the game, the idiotic pink monkeys recreated their universe (or maybe a universe similar to it?). Because they completely fucked up our session like the retarded douchemuffins they are, we were stuck living on their shit ass planet, Earth.

They were all oh so fucking excited to return to their dumbass planet and their asshat lusus that it seemed they (John especially that fucking idiot I just want to kiss him and beat the shit out of him all at the same time that adorable moronic fuckass) had completely forgotten about the fact that our fucking species isn't exactly normal on their goddamn planet.

Despite the fact that I very fucking kindly reminded him of this ("JOHN FUCKING EGBERT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING THE IDIOTIC PINK MONKEYS ARE GOING TO THINK WE'RE INVADING THEIR PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT THEY CALL A PLANET TO DESTROY THEM."), he assured me that everything would be abso-fucking-lutely perfect. He then got his human lusus thing (was it called a damn? Or maybe a bad?) to think that we should go to school with the humans.

So here I am at this huge prison-looking building for my first day of school alongside all the other fuckasses who claim to be my friends (really they're just people I tolerate a little more than everyone else). When we walk in, people start talking. People's eyes grow wide. They all look oh so fucking scared like the indescribably weak, pathetic creatures they are. I sneer in disgust at one who dares make eye contact with me.

Don't misunderstand, I'm proud of being a troll and not one of those thin-skinned, simple-minded pink monkeys but damn am I glad my horns are small enough to slip under a nondescript, gray baseball cap (Gamzee gave it to me because he heard me complaining about how the sun is too fucking bright and how humans should be nocturnal the way any reasonable creature is). I pull it a little lower down to cover my eyes, which are slowly turning the bile-inducing shade of red that my blood is.

I roughly yank my iPod and earbuds from my backpack and stuff them into my ears (the earbuds not the iPod. What kind of idiot do you take me for to attempt to stuff an entire fucking iPod into my ears.). I welcome the lack of annoying as fuck Egbert voice invading my mind. It's a nice change since I've heard way too much of that's idiot's blabbering since he insisted I live with him. I don't think the shithead understands the meaning of the word "I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU GODDAMN IDIOT SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND SCREW WITH SOME OTHER POOR BASTARD SO I CAN HAVE A BREAK FROM YOUR PEACE-SHATTERING, NAILS-ON-A-CHALKBOARD VOICE". Okay, so maybe that's a couple more than one word, but the point still stands! He's just such a-

I'm ripped from my thoughts by a large pink monkey. He's frowning at me and saying something I can't hear over the cacophony of music coming from my ear buds. Whatever. I walk around the stout (oh fuck it why I am I trying to be nice? He's fat and short, okay? Emphasis on fat.) man and go back to walk next to Kanaya, who became some sort of unofficial moirail to me after the game.

Of course the insufferable fuckass isn't getting the picture here and doesn't quite seem to realize that he should get out of the middle of the fucking hall before his ass rightfully gets ran over. Instead he chooses to stand directly in front of me when he sees I'm clearly trying to go somemplace where he isn't. Seriously? Is it just a human thing- not wanting any personal space and demanding the full attention of people who clearly don't have any shits to give about them? He starts yelling at me, just loud enough that I can hear it as a sort of background noise in the music. No point in trying to listen to music if some idiotic pink monkey is yelling so loud that I can still hear him when the music is turned all the way up.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, YOU IDIOTIC PINK MONKEY? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT IM TRYING TO GET TO THE SHIT HOLE THAT I IMAGINE THE FIRST "CLASS" OF THE DAY IS? ARE YOU SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT THAT YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF NOTICING THE FACT THAT I *PURPOSEFULLY* WENT AROUND YOU? IF YOU WANT TO STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING HALLWAY LIKE AN IDIOTIC DOUCHEBAG AND GET YOUR ASS RAN OVER BY THE HORDE OF PINK HUMANS HERE, THAN FEEL FREE, BUT DONT STAND IN FRONT OF ME, YOU INTOLERABLE NOOKSNIFFER!"

I look up (damn it it's only two inches argh why the fuck can't I grow to a reasonable size?) at said intolerable nooksniffer to see that he is gaping at me. Slowly, his gaping turns into fierce rage and disgust. I watch in slight amusement(which is completely internal, no way am I going to gracenthis fuckass with a smile) as he gets a handle on the clear anger showing on his face.

After a moment, he says, "I was just going to ask you to remove your hat while you're indoors because not only is wearing hats inside the school against the rules, it's also just rude in general."

I roll my eyes. "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I GIVE ANY FUCKS AT ALL WHETHER YOU THINK THIS HAT IS "RUDE"? JEGUS FUCK, HUMANS MADE THIS HAT SO IT COULD BE WORN AND HERE I AM WEARING IT. WHO CARES IF IM INSIDE OR OUTSIDE? I SURELY DONT."

"Young... Man, you need to take off that hat right now, or else-"

"OR ELSE WHAT?" I stand really close to him, fire in my eyes. My existence alone is just daring him to do a single damn thing.

* * *

And that brings me where I am now, sitting just outside of the principal's office.

Yup. Earth is truly a planet of fuckasses.


End file.
